Q: I have a 17 year old who is experimenting with all sorts of things. He is adopted and my ex is the second dad that has abandoned him. He has not seen his adoptive father in 8 months. During this time he has really been increasing in his disrespect, looking at porn, trying drugs, drinking, etc. I have him in counseling but can not afford it. Are there any of the groups that you think a 17 year old young man would feel comfortable in or that would be appropriate. I just didnt know if you all allow that age in and what you think about the idea.
- Susan from Middle Tennessee.
A: Right now Restore Ministries doesn't have any upcoming classes/groups for teenagers. We have some classes for adults beginning in the fall, but I’m not sure a 17 year old would be a good fit for a group like this.
Assuming that he’s willing to go to individual counseling, I’d encourage you to continue sending him there if at all possible. If this can’t continue, then getting him to attend AA or a Samson society group might be of benefit. Also you might want to get in touch with Cumberland Heights here in Nashville. They offer Youth treatment programs, both inpatient and outpatient: Cuberland Heights Website.
I’d encourage you to be as non-judgmental with his behavior as possible. Likely he is dealing with lots of shame, and he needs someone to love him regardless of his choices. This does not mean that you condone his behavior, but that you offer care and support for him despite his behavior. Furthermore, Care and support doesn’t include helping him get his way. Kids need to know they are loved and that they cannot get their own way. If you’re still supporting him financially and he’s living in your house, you have the ability to set rules for his behavior. If he chooses to disregard those behaviors, there needs to be consequences. Helping someone get what they want because you feel guilty is called enabling. You cannot enable his behavior if you want him to be well.
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